How Are You Doing?

The dreaded question. There are many days that I contemplate being honest. 99.9% of the time it is a half smile and an “I’m good, you?” The real and honest answer is this…”How am I doing?…I have no patience, I am always angry. I can’t stand seeing parents with their children as it makes me want to cry. I wish everyone would stop wishing me a happy holiday, don’t ask me how MY Thanksgiving was because I don’t care how yours was. I don’t care how great your kid is doing in school just as much as you don’t really want to know how I am doing”.

There.

I only ask or reply out of being human and I do not want to be rude. Unless you have experienced finding you child, your only child…dead…on his bedroom floor…you have no idea how I am doing and what I am going through. Do not tell me that “things happen for a reason” or “this was God’s plan” or “he is in a better place”.  Don’t tell me that “I need to move on from this” or “Are you still grieving?”.  My world is shattered beyond belief and nothing that anyone says will or can make this hellish process go any faster.

I am still trying to figure out which upsets me more; the people that won’t even look at me because they do not know what to say or the ones that open their mouth and unbelievable hurtful things come out.

It’s just a toss up.

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